CAKE

We have a bond you and I.  A connection that transcends the space time continuum…  We share a love for good food and snarky snark.  Therefore I will unburden my heart to you all and trust that my deepest secrets will be held in confidence and that you will not think the less of me for them….

I use cake mixes.    No.  Your love has emboldened me …. I USE CAKE MIXES AND SO SHOULD YOU. I know, I know, it’s appalling-           it’s low rent, trailer trashy and borderline deceptive.

Now, allow me to put forth the case for the defense.

Cake mixes are dry ingredients.  Yes, they are full of artificial moisteners, but unless someone has deceived both of us ,the food in question is cake.  Cake, not life support-although I am prepared to argue that sometimes they are one and the same.  And  you are making a wedding cake, which will require a significant freezing, thawing, decorating and then assembling time frame.   You owe those artificial moisteners and do not forget it.  Now, we are going to jack up the recipe, to get optimal lusciousness and keeping power.   It also saves you time which is something that you will find yourself grasping for as the blessed day approaches.   Now  am going to give you the basic recipe- such as it is- look in  the archives for the tables so you know how much to make.  This template talks you through making a 4 layer 10” cake. This is more than you need for tasting, in which case feel free to call and invite me.  However- you will definitely need a 10” layer so you should practice making that size and you can make a smaller top cake by cutting a bigger cake… trust me on this

2 boxes name brand premium cake mixes (white or chocolate)  my favorite might include the initials DH and the words ‘pudding in the mix”  or maybe not- a lady always keeps her secrets…..

12 egg yolks (see recipe for frosting- double it and you are good to go)

½ cup melted butter (use the amount of oil called for on the box- and double it)

1 ½ cups buttermilk(use double the amount of water called for on each box)

Put the ingredients in the bowl of your stand mixer. Mixes first, covered by other ingredients.  Your bowl will be full, so it’s probably a good idea to stir with the paddle attachment by hand for a few turns  and then assemble the mixer.(we’ve already established that confession is good for the soul- so here goes- I lost part of the splash guard attachment within days of getting my mixer- if you have one of those  you can skip this step)

Allow to mix for a few minutes- you want it to be consistency or  well, cake batter- not quite as loose as pancake batter- nothing like cookie dough.  Add small amounts of water if you need to until you get there.

Spray a 10” cake pan liberally with a baking spray and eyeballing it- add 1/3 of the batter.  Bale at 315*(in convection- 345 if not)

  Start testing at 20 minutes… Those recipes that say  to bake until a toothpick comes out dry are anti cake propaganda of the worst sort.  It’s trickier than that.  You need a tiny bit of moist crumb sticking.  Allow to cool I pan for a few minutes and then lay a rack over it and turn it out.  Repeat two more times.  –It’s a very good idea to plan a stew or pot roast for the days you will be baking.  The oven can easily hold both.

When cakes are cool- AND NOT A SECOND BEFORE-  slather with butter cream.  I’ll cover decorating in a future blog.  You can also- freeze cakes- separated by parchment and then wrapped n cling film and then foil for months.

PS the only possible response when people ask if the cake is homemade is”Yes I baked it myself”

Keep your life delicious,

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